The Difference Between Men And Women

This is long (much longer than we normally send), but it is humorous and besides making you laugh, it might help a relationship.

We will get back to short jokes next time.

Letís say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when theyíre driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, weíve been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe heís been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks Iím trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesnít want; or isnít sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, Iím not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so Iíd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towardÖ I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking:Öso that means it wasÖletís seeÖFebruary when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealerís, which meansÖlemme check the odometerÖWhoa? I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: Heís upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe Iím reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed Ė even before I sensed it Ė that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet thatís it. Thatís why heís so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. Heís afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And Iím gonna have them look at the transmission again. I donít care what those morons say, itís still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? Itís 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: Heís angry. And I donít blame him. Iíd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I canít help the way I feel. Iím just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: Theyíll probably say itís only a 90- day warranty. Thatís exactly what theyíre gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe Iím just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when Iím sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? Iíll give them a warranty. Iíll take their warranty and stick it right up theirÖ.

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please donít torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never haveÖOh, I feel soÖ"

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"Iím such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know thereís no knight. I really know that. Itís silly. Thereís no knight, and thereís no horse."

"Thereís no horse?" says Roger.

"You think Iím a fool, donít you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"Itís just thatÖItís that IÖI need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15 second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures itís better if he doesnít think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaineís, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

<< This may be by Dave Barry>>

To the world, you may just be somebody...but to somebody, you may be the world.

Richard Dover
In His Steps Ministries